Happy Endings
by uptightcrankyshadownet
Summary: Alex and Nikita talk about how things might have been different with people they lost. Mild (one-word tbh) swearing at the end.


Snow greets the country on Christmas Day, when Alex and Nikita find themselves sitting on the porch swing out back, watching fluffy white flakes fall to the ground and begin to cover the ground with snow, just appreciating the silence and the view.

"Merry Christmas, Alex."

Alex presses a kiss to her cheek and rests her head on Nikita's shoulder. "Merry Christmas."

Nikita grins. "Any reason why we're out here at six in the morning watching the first snowfall of winter?"

The younger woman sighs, cuddling closer to Nikita. "It's just... it's the first Christmas where we haven't had to constantly watch our backs in fear for a gun being turned on us. It's just a little hard to believe, sometimes, that we've gotten our happy ending." She swallows, dipping her head. "Even if... only the six of us got it." Nikita responds with a tight hug as she hears Alex begin to sob, thinking back on everyone they have lost, lovers, friends, even enemies.

"You know not everyone could have had a happy ending, Alex." Nikita reminds her quietly, rocking her slowly back and forth.

Alex nods, sniffing as she swipes the sleeve of her sweater across her eyes, wet with tears. "It's just that... sometimes I imagine things could have changed, you know? I always wonder what it would have been like if Papa hadn't died. My mother would never have married Semak, I wouldn't have..." She breaks down into tears again, and Nikita soothes her, whispers comforting nothings into her ear. "I'm so sorry."

"And the recruits..." It's an outpouring of words now, and Nikita lets Alex go on, lets her take the frustration and grief out. "Robbie, and the guards- and Jaden, I didn't want my cover to be blown but I hadn't wanted her to die- and _Thom._" Her voice breaks. "They might not have died, they might even have ended up together, you know? They'd have flown the country, started a new life with their skills."

Nikita laughs quietly, seeing that Alex is getting calmer, the hysterics dying down. "You three might have met up in some cafe overseas years after."

"And then Jaden would have glowered at me while Thom and I chatted, and we'd end up sparring somewhere." Alex manages a feeble smile, trying to compose herself. "_Nathan. _He was innocent, Nikita! He-"

"He was a civilian." _Daniel, _Nikita thinks. "I know. But think about it, Alex- we never heard from him after that. Maybe he _did _fly the coop. Maybe he did have his happy ending, after all. Believe that."

Alex gives her a disbelieving look, and Nikita averts her gaze. "At least you didn't have to see his dead body. Like Owen had to. Like I had to."

There's a pause, and then they both murmur the same thing together- Alex in resignation, Nikita in raw anguish. "Owen."

The next name is inevitable, and Nikita flinches when Alex breathes out a quiet "Sean"- she can see the sorrow and heartbreak reflected in her eyes, in the way the fingers loosely grasping Nikita's long hair tighten into a fist. "He could have been part of our family. He would have been, Nikita, he would have squabbled over rooms with us and he'd still have taken the smallest room. And he..." She trails off, not needing to say the rest, before continuing with a thoughtful "You know, if we all had a fairytale-esque ending, Cassandra and Max would be here too."

"If we had our happy ending Michael would be with his wife and daughter." The words rush from Nikita's lips forcefully, before consciously relaxing her tense muscles, seeing the momentary shock in Alex's expression. "We might even have had Amanda here."

"Amanda?" Alex exclaims, taken aback.

Nikita shakes her head, leaning back and closing her eyes. "Amanda has another side to her, Alex. Everything she's ever done to the recruits, to Division, it's inexcusable, unforgivable. But she has a past, like all of us. And she could have changed. I believe it. She could have become... one of us. You know what I mean? We could have changed the Dirty Thirty, maybe Roan, even- who knows. We might not have had to blow Division up... much as I hate to admit it, it felt a little like home too, you know?" She closes her eyes, reminiscing. "If we really could have had the ideal happy ending, nobody would have had to die. We would never have lost the ones we loved. But that's how our story unfolded, Alex. And maybe if everyone had been spared, it wouldn't be... like this. I mean, the six of us. You can't deny we're happy."

Alex contemplates, then nods in agreement. "Yeah. You're right. We're happy." She halts, frowns. "Hold on, we missed Percy in our happy-endings thing."

Nikita waves it away, deadpanning. "Percy gets no happy ending. Percy stays dead. Percy was a dick."

There's a beat of silence and Nikita sees Alex's countenance change from stunned to incredulous to amused, before she breaks out into a peal of laughter. The atmosphere lightens instantly as she punches her better half lightly on the shoulder. "Nikita!"

"Honour-bound to speak nothing but the truth." Nikita begins to chuckle. "I'm glad you've cheered up."

Alex looks around, sees the snow beginning to build up and stands. "We should get in there, I'm cold." She pulls Nikita in by the wrist, turning back to give her a small smile. "Hey, Nikita."

"Hmm?"

"I wouldn't have changed anything, even if the outcome might seem better."

"Why not?"

"Because then I might not have had this." The Russian girl pulls Nikita in by the collar and kisses her fiercely. "Because then I might not have had you."


End file.
